Never Meant to Be
by Twix
Summary: 'Silly of me, to think that you could fall in love with someone like me.' Christian is beginning to realize he was correct from the start.


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Never Meant to Be

By Twix

Disclaimer – I own NOTHING. Plain and simple! Baz Luhrmann owns Moulin Rouge and the song, _Out of Reach_ belongs to Gabrielle. Once again, suing would be pointless.

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Author's Note – I hope you like this little story. The song, I think, goes perfectly with the situation. I've tweaked a few places in the song here and there, so it won't be exactly like it. Thanks mucho to Crys for the help. :) Please review when you've finished. 

"Go away!"

Toulouse-Lautrec slowly walked out of the apartment, a hurt look upon his face. The door closed with a click, leaving me to sit here in my dark, damp room, resisting the strong urge to end my life. I wrapped the blanket closer around me, as if I could shut out the world with my woolen blanket.  
Why has God chosen me to live? Can't he see and feel my pain? Obviously not, for if I had the guts to kill myself, I would do it in a heartbeat. I wonder if anyone else has even gone through this pain like I am. "Knew the signs weren't right, I was stupid for awhile," I whispered, seeing my breath comes out in puffs of smoke in the chilly air. My window was still open from this afternoon – Oh God, was it just this afternoon? 

It seems that a lifetime has gone by since Satine came to see me. 

_I'm staying with the Duke._

Out of all many hurtful things I have heard in my life, this hurt me the most. Imagine how just five words could practically end someone's life. 

__

.... That's how the story really ends.

I remember the look on her face when she said that. No doubt that it will haunt me for the rest of my life. Hot tears stung my eyes as Satine's face swam into view. "Swept away by you, and now I feel like a fool."

A strong wind rushed through the small apartment. The storm was still raging outside, raindrops plummeting to the ground. I tried to imagine what it would be like if sunrays replaced the raindrops. If a cool summer breeze was causing me to shiver in my blanket... but I couldn't. If the sun came out, I most likely would just go mad. 

"So confused, my heart's bruised," I sang under my breath. "Was I ever loved by you?"

Memories rushed through my mind, like a high-speed slide show. I could remember so many times when Satine told me she would always love...she's always stay with me. "Out of reach, so far. I never had your heart."

Did she remember what she had said this afternoon? Did she remember those blissful moments where it was just us and we had made vows to never part. All those songs for nothing? Now they seemed like just a waste of breath. "Out of reach, couldn't see…we were never meant to be."

_I'm staying with the Duke... I'm staying with the Duke... I'm staying with the Duke... _

Her voice echoed in my mind, those painful words already beginning to haunt me, already starting to make me lose my mind. 

I stood up and made my way over to the window, wrapping the blanket tighter around my shoulders and pushing my hat out of my eyes. I could see the elephant perfectly from my window. Leaning out of the window slightly, I could see Satine putting on make-up in the Red Room. And then, he walked in. The Duke, of all people, walked into the room, and wrapped his arms around Satine's waist. I felt my heart turn to lead as she whispered words into his ear, a malicious grin forming on his face.

I turned to my desk and reached for a glass and a bottle of absinthe. Clumsily, I poured the absinthe into the glass, the acid green liquid sloshing over the sides. I brought the glass up to my lips and felt it burning as it made it's way down my throat. A green mist filled my vision and La Fèe Verte appeared and started to fly around the room. 

She started to giggle uncontrollably as she flew around my head. "Look!" she cried, her voice ringing like a bell. She flew over to the window and pointed at the elephant. I stumbled over to the window and stood next to her. 

"Catch myself from despair," I sang as rain dripped down my face. I was getting soaked, but I gave it no attention. I just stood there, horror struck as they embraced, their kisses getting all the more passionate. _How could she do this to me?_ I thought as my throat began to tighten and I felt a sob escape my lips. 

"Satine..." I whispered. "Satine... why?"

And as if Satine heard me call her, she pushed away from the Duke and began to busy herself with her make up. The Duke spoke for a moment and then quickly left the room.

Confused, I kept watching her putting on face powder only to have something to do. Suddenly, I realized that my shirt was soaked through and it brought me back to reality. I scowled as I gave the elephant one last look, slamming the window shut. "I could drown if I stay here!" I shouted, drinking more Absinthe, causing my head to swim. Tears started to flow down my cheeks as I replayed the afternoon's events in my mind. Over and over played like a broken record. "But I was so confused, my heart's bruised. Was I ever loved by you?" I shouted at the window facing the elephant.

The Green Fairy turned to face me. "She never loved you, Christian!" 

I flung my absinthe bottle at her, but she just laughed and flew out of the way. The bottle shattered as it hit the wall, the absinthe left a bright green residue on the wall.

"You know it's true!" she taunted, coming closer to me and looking me in the eye. "A courtesan could never fall in love with _you!_"   
I turned around angrily. "Out of reach, so far. I never had your heart," I bitterly muttered to myself. Why was I such a fool to think that Satine could ever love me? Like I said on the elephant so many nights ago, _Silly of me, to think that you could fall in love with someone like me. _ I cursed myself as I realized how stupid I was... and yet, I still didn't want to let her go. Even though I knew she didn't love me. "Out of reach, couldn't see... we were never meant to be."

I sat down on my bed once more, trying to find a reason to live. Satine. Why did I still feel like she was important in my life? What's the point of loving someone when they don't love you back? Why keep living on hopeless dreams? "So much hurt, so much pain. Takes a while to regain what is lost inside," I started to sing, realizing the Green Fairy must of flown off.

Questions rushed through my head; questions I never would have thought needed answers. Why did Satine love me in the first place? _Did _she ever love me? 

"But now I'm so confused. My heart's bruised. Was I ever loved by you?"

That was the question that kept coming back to me: Did Satine ever love me? 

"Out of reach...so far."

I felt my heart ache every time I repeated the question. I needed to know...

"I never had your heart..."

Suddenly I stood up, having made up my mind. 

"Out of reach and I couldn't see..." I threw on my jacket and walked quickly out of the door before I could stop myself. 

"That we were never meant to be."

  
  


  
  
  
  
  


  



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